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everyone that lives here loves everything about me

by VNDERVVHELMER

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1.
i was pushed off the ledge by the thoughts in my head by the rocks in my lungs by the things that i said when i meant something else by the cracks in my shell by the distance i fell by the seed within myself im not awake im not at home and i will not pick up the phone the town is dead the wind is sweet and all the people are asleep
2.
chain saw 01:45
i wish i had a chain saw to cut the devil out of me cuz everyone that lives here loves everything about me spine with scything blades carve into my face this hate and shame and pain youre running through a field of grain theres no escape mask of ugly light stupid suicide denied tonight despite the devil dream you call your guide your hands are ice catastrophe strange hands grabbing me im in a dark room no identity im gonna die oh god whats happening catastrophe
3.
born in a psychosocial cage with a smile on my face the nighttime was too cold in the daytime it just rained on my personal parade found a stray cat in sixth grade it tied me to a chair and put vomit in my brain i will never be enough i will never be i will never be enough for the people that i love ill never be okay i feel it every day drowned all the way through junior high and the cat gouged out my eyes then high school was a pit lay in bed and prayed to die but i made it to the end even kept a couple friends but they all moved out to mars and im sleeping on a bench now im dying on a bench now im dying in your i will never be enough my heart is full of fuck im dying on a bench im dying in your head please just forget me when im gone shake your head and then move on i made a funny joke i wrote a shitty song and thats all i fucking had inside me so dont feel bad ill see you at the end when the skies fill up with black
4.
whistle 02:07
shoot me in the brain hit me right between the eyes its gonna take a whole lot more than that to make me die i will never rest i wont ever fall asleep but the sky is black and tempting and these scars are old and deep i dont know when i hit the limit put the gun in your mouth and whistle stepping on a songbird drown me in the sink carve a novel in my face its gonna take much more than that to put me in a grave i am not afraid and thats why i will live again and i dont have to get over what a mess my life has been
5.
freak 03:14
every time that i try to be me i see horrible things in my head i cant breathe i keep biting my tongue and its starting to bleed i hope no one can tell that im a freak everyone knows that im a freak ill stay at home and try to sleep everyone knows that im a i want to love myself but we cant get everything we want decaying mental health makes me feel like a ghost without a mansion or a plot of land to haunt i finally closed my eyes dreamed i was drowning in the depths choking and sinking while im clutching at my throat im screaming out but no ones showing up to help i took myself too far now no one wants to be my friend cant even play guitar but here i am creating shitty music with computer instruments my eyes are open now skin caked in slime and grease and sweat the sour fills my mouth and makes me say the shit that im afraid to ever let out of my head
6.
walk toward the south pole drip blood from my mouth hole and hope for the best but i know its over i wonder if the ice will turn my corpse into a headstone surrounded by red snow the answer is of course my bones are bending the stress of pretending this isnt the end and with every step i can taste another fragment of my skull i vomit brain cells and oh does the pain swell i feel the pull walk toward the south pole drip blood from my mouth hole and hope for the best but i know its over i wonder if the ice will turn my corpse into a headstone surrounded by red snow i stay the course
7.
i dont wanna go down swinging i wanna die with a shit eating grin alone in my bed with an angels hands around my throat been fucked since the beginning redrum on my arms in lipstick im trying to vanish in the folds of my coat this light is fading fast from here while i masturbate away this year will i feel better tomorrow cant i feel better tomorrow i dont wanna play this fucking game i roll the dice and feel the same the light is fading i dont wanna play this fucking game i spin the wheel and feel the same the light is fading always been a little autistic faces are goddamn cryptic i see my surroundings through a prism of hurt thats right im a full blown dipshit in a dark room reaching for kismet im a fucked up worm in a corpses eye in the dirt why the fuck am i still writing about me im pretty sure my art would be much better without me infecting my music with all of my problems its not therapeutic its just fucking obnoxious
8.
ive got 9 us dollars burning a fucking hole in my sweatpants pocket dont look at me like i dont belong ill be here until my livers gone so just shut up and get in line ive got a lot of people to tell that i feel fine ive got zero fucking dollars i feel like dogshit i wont go see the doctor he looks at me like i dont belong i know hes right where has the real me gone the windows shut but i feel a breeze i wrote a joke it goes like take my life please i dont even know what im doing here i wanna go home i said i wanna go home now take me out put me in a box throw away the key put a textbook on top yeah im a shadow a motherfucking asshole im in an abattoir i know that im cattle wheres the knife hand me the knife look me in the eye when you take my fucking life man
9.
10.
ugly 03:03
theres something rotting inside this heart of mine this time im not sure that things will turn out fine swirling self loathing im drowning in my sleep i pray the devil my ugly soul to keep i hit the ground and went to hell do you know if i jumped or fell caustic subversion within these shallow dreams a thousand years of a friendship turns to steam i want to search for a meaning in the snow did i jump did i fall oh my god
11.
i heard you were saying dumb shit thats so fucking no way really i had no idea that you were wow no kidding i dont give a fuck i dont care i heard something something something youre so fucking i dont give a i i im the needle in your eye eye eye im gonna make you fucking cry cry i will be there when you die die die i wanna be your last goodbye bye bye im the needle in your eye eye eye ill follow you into the sky sky im the needle in your eye eye eye and i will be there when you die someone said you talk about me i hope that you ha ha funny i will never self reflect on oh my goodness im a piece of shit i dont care im a piece of shit i resent my past profoundly youre so fucking im a piece of
12.
and i wait and i wait and i wait its like a whirlpool of nothing when i avoid the things i hate but that wont stop me ill get old and ill get worse and ill lose weight until im nothing but a particle of ash lost in space
13.
i was pushed off the ledge by the thoughts in my head by the rocks in my lungs by the things that i said when i meant something else by the cracks in my shell by the distance i fell by the seed within myself im not awake im not at home and i will not pick up the phone the town is dead the wind is sweet and all the people i missed the bus its fucking cold and all my friends are getting older without me without me and nobody that lives here likes a single thing about me

about

this is an album i made called 'everyone that lives here loves everything about me'. i had a lot of fun making it. it also on spotify, apple music, etc

credits

released July 4, 2019

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about

VNDERVVHELMER Boston, Massachusetts

the michael jordan of postal terrorism

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