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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

MIND FEAR

by VNDERVVHELMER

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1.
do you ever get scared of reflections? hide your smile from their eyes they don’t want to see you shine
2.
los angeles i am choking i’m so alone my shades are never open everything i own is breaking my face wears out i become more misshapen the air fills with toxic waste carry me far from this toxic place los angeles is choking me please just let me breathe yeah the air fills with toxic waste bury me far from this toxic place los angeles is choking me please just let me breathe yeah i’m choking i’m choking los angeles los angeles im choking i can’t sleep my lungs are clogging these streets were born to hate the people walking my friends all have better friendships i hate myself for feeling deep resentment los angeles just end it
3.
there are things in the distance that weren’t there before all the houses have lights off so why are the doors all ajar where’s the sound of the cars the blue light’s not heaven we’re all gonna burn you can show me a lesson but fuck if you think i can learn i can burn it might be the pig system it might be the dog star i might make a big difference the end might be not far their eyes are above you their face is the sky they’re watching you live yeah they’re watching you waiting to die i can see them inside they are sowing their spit engineering the end i can see your mechanical face you’re not you you are them you are them
4.
i want to see the evil entity and feel like the horror lurking in my house isn’t real i want to see my life on video to tell that i’m not living inside somebody else’s hell watching scary movies on dvd i wish that that would happen to me
5.
a trillion lines in the sky that intersect we’re the flies in the mind fear spiderweb cattle planet nothing here is permanent there’s a panic seeping through the firmament experiment on innocent lives alien parasite growing inside strange creatures burrow underneath my skin replace my veins with an outerspace power grid mental power sparking like a surge glowing eyes leylines converge alien unleashing of mind mutant executioner of humankind i saw weird worms come down from the sky they flow through me now i cannot die i saw weird worms inside my arm i’m a creature of Grief and i can’t be harmed i saw weird worms we’re not alone my psychic blade burns mind and bone i saw weird worms i do not sleep i am the wolf in the world of sheep degrading neurons decaying flesh no ground to stand on none left to thresh fix me now dont fucking abandon me you put this sentient carnivore brand on me you changed me then left me stranded here rotting hulk of the weird worms that landed here lying dormant for a score of centuries this grey disc is a global penitentiary cast aside their work has been done insidious agents move toward the next sun derelict this earth is a husk meaningless home of an infinite dusk
6.
i know who you are know who you are i would recognize you anywhere you’re the enemy you’ll be killing me bomb strapped to your chest on a short fuse blank soul you’ve got nothing to lose got a badge from the shadow surveillance kill groups don’t shoot me i know who you are assassin from the eye you came to end my life but i don’t wanna die are the people in this theater real? are they archons honed in on my fear? don’t you feed on me don’t drain my energy you’ll do anything they pump your mind with you don’t care who or what you align with i can see the dark doctrines that you’ve been primed with i see you i know who you are assassin from the eye you came to end my life and now i’m gonna die
7.
i am the mother of all bombs the werewolf they warned you about i’m project bluebird incarnate i am the shadow of doubt i’m a symbol, i’m a sign i’m a sequence, i’m 999 i’m a pattern, i’m a design i was not made here, i am divine i am the system’s convergence i was not born i was found i am a god from the stone age whose image was etched in the ground i am a grid in the cosmos reflecting a map of the brain i am a spoke on the great wheel whose function would drive you insane tetragrammaton gematria
8.
everyone leaves everyone goes away
9.
can you feel your knuckles are they bleeding throw your eyes up to the ceiling messages etched into cement everything is placed on purpose for you set in patterns to destroy you the world is billions of false events these chemicals, corrupt my brain they cloud my eyes, and now my only goal is to be safe from secret groups that want to see me dead converging on my bed, it is not in my head i swear to god someone is gonna kill me have you seen the lights that draw your focus and swarm across your eyes like locusts they’re keeping you under control it’s not paranoia it’s my power huddled in my room for hours i have to stay where their eyes can’t go / if you close your eyes you won’t have to see them coming if you close your fucking eyes you won’t have to see them coming these chemicals, corrupt my brain they cloud my eyes, i think i’m gonna fucking suffocate from secret groups that want to see me dead converging on my bed, it is not in my head i swear to god someone is gonna kill me fingerprints on every single surface evidence of dark incursions i don’t know, no i don’t know, no i don’t know how i can be safe i swear to god someone is gonna kill me
10.
sometimes i look in the mirror late at night when there’s no one awake i can call and the image i see gets much clearer and i wish that i had no reflection at all
11.
stress and fire in a broken brainstem fucking up my neck from dreams of mayhem i can’t take another day of bullshit screaming from my mind like the devil’s pulpit there has got to be a way to get free of these artificial chains that choke me conscious thought is grinding down my system thinking fucks my brain like a sharpened piston think i’ll just go to bed i wake up with a headache headache thrashing crashing like a wounded robot who would have imagined hell was so hot taking out my rage on mute bystanders wielding mental fear like a cursed zweihander one foot anchored in a new dimension violence guiding me through a raw ascension running out of empty homes to hide in bullet fucks my brain and im past the horizon bleeding a mirror into the rug i wake up with a headache headache a migraine is a portal to the matrix through the soul and the pain is the pang of the hunger to slip away beyond control
12.
i don’t know why i keep on feeling this way that’s a fucking lie have to get out of LA i don’t know how to make this turn out okay i’m out i’m done i’m fucking sick of myself been alone way too much turns out i’m bad for my health hey me fuck you don’t try to act like this city’s the one that smells i don’t wanna walk around i wanna sit in my room and atrophy i hate this city but i know it’s just a reflection of me i wake up feel like shit and then i rinse and repeat did someone flip a switch is this because of 5g i’ve got no thoughts that don’t revolve around consumer technology cut me the fuck off and send me home in a box wrap me up in tin foil and dump me off of a dock i’m fucked i’m so fucked,stuck in a city where the air looks like it’s fog for the past two or three months i’ve felt so dark and so alone i guess what i’m afraid of is that this darkness might follow me back home
13.
BLUE BEAM 01:53

about

10/15/19 - 9/1/20

Grotesque gleam of a time no history will ever fully describe! [The world I live in is making me sick]

credits

released September 1, 2020

instrumental on track 1 by reiyashi.
guitar on track 11 by dark cameron.
album mastered by dark cameron.

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VNDERVVHELMER Boston, Massachusetts

the michael jordan of postal terrorism

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